Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Whenever You Get Around To It

Luthor

Lex Luthor is a wealthy, power-mad American business magnate. At one point he was the President of the United States. He only served 3 years, 2001-2003, because he could not keep his corruption in check.

Lex Luthor, Superman’s greatest nemesis, was plotting. World dominance would rightfully be his, if only he could get rid of that meddling Boy Scout Kryptonian!

Before continuing, it is peculiar, yet true that Superman’s greatest friends, enemies and things closest to him, shared the initials L.L. Lana Lang, Lois Lane, Lori Lemaris, Lightning Lad, Lancelot Link, Chicago-based DJ, Larry Lujack, actresses: Linda Lavin, Lucy Lawless, Lucy Liu, Lindsey Lohan, and college admissions scandal socialite, Lori Loughlin, lava lamps, Lincoln Logs®, Loretta Lynn, Lyle Lovett, Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes, Mexican sensation, Los Lobos, Laa-Laa of the Teletubbies, Liver Lord, Livid Lass, and the other Lex, Lex Luger.


Trouble was, this L.L. was in prison. If necessity is the mother of invention, Lex was in an overloaded full-to-capacity maternity ward. Using two cigarette butts, a paper clip, a strand of thread, and a drop of urine from Batman’s foe, The Penguin, he had created a Future Voice Broadcaster™, a walkie-talkie that could communicate into the future. In short, he made MacGyver look like a wacky next-door neighbor in a sit-com. Of course, this was the sort of mental machination that made him a modern day evil genius.

“Years ago, Superboy… now grown into Superman… was saved from being destroyed by Luthor, by a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes from a future era. He long believed if a Legion of Super-Heroes exists in the future, then a Legion of Super-Villains probably exists in the future too!” [paraphrased from Superman Volume 1, #147]

Luthor spoke into the F.V.B., “Calling the future! It is I, Luthor, Lex Luthor from the year 2019 calling the Legion of Super-Villains in the future. Am imprisoned. Need help. Save me.”

Yet in his haste, he had not once considered the advanced spam filters used in the distant future. How could he have known that messages without hashtags or at symbols are imperative in order to reach out? Since the message was improperly addressed, it was promptly thrown into a gigantic folder properly labeled trash.

So Luthor waited and waited for nothing. The future had let him down. It is fortunate that he was used to disappointment. By lunch time the next day, he would simply blow up the walls around him with an explosive made out of spider webs and spit, and walk out of prison. It goes without saying that he laughed maniacally as he escaped.

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