There is no doubt that Aretha Franklin is the Queen Of Soul. After signing to Atlantic Records in 1967, she released these songs within two years, “Do Right Woman, Do Right Man”, “(You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman”, “I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You)”, “Respect”, “Baby I Love You”, “Chain Of Fools”, “(Sweet Sweet Baby) Since You’ve Been Gone”, “Think”, and “I Say A Little Prayer”.

She could have just released half of these songs, and she would still retain the title of Queen. It just occurred to me that praise is tedious, so here is a pop music daffynition.

Aretha Franklinstein

ə/rēTH/ə /fraNGk/lin/stīn/

noun

jargon used by record executives when they dissect and combine facets and talents from different musicians to recreate and describe an up and coming musician

synonyms: conglomeration, Asia: the supergroup, brunch

“The vocal range of Mariah Carey, the swagger of Harry Connick Jr., the balls of David Lee Roth, and the height of Napoleon was the Aretha Franklinstein used to promote CeeLo Green.”

Artwork by Jenn Cosgrove

“If Aretha Franklinstein was a real person, would he/she/it take Aretha Franklinsulin before or after eating a bowl of Aretha Franklinberry?”

#IfJamesBrownWasFemaleGodmother?, #EttaJamesBrown