It’s Like Rain On Your Wedding Day


When it rains it pours, and when it pours the old man snores, redefining sleep apnea for the 21st century.

Richard “Dick” Penisi was having the worst day of his life, and that’s saying something considering how terrible his existence has been since birth. If it wasn’t one affliction, it was colic, and then another affliction, followed by colic again. As he grew older, his health worsened as he barely survived cancer, leukemia, Lou Gehrig’s disease and hepatitis c.

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Happy Go Lucky Charms

a bowl of lucky charms

Make no mistake about it, there is nothing lucky about Lucky Charms®, they should be called Slow Death Charms or Gateway To Obesity Charms.

As the words left his mouth, he knew he made a dreadful mistake, the kind that fucks you up for a long time. Matthew Marsdale tried to stop himself, but the cadence was too damn catchy. His fate was inevitable.

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But It Don’t Sing And Dance


Purposely cropped so I don’t have to say SPOILER ALERT.

At that very moment, the world stopped. But only for Mark Brauhoffer. He was an overweight sweaty mess wearing an imitation leather jacket so frayed that it almost looked real. He was having suspicious fears that he may have died, as he watched himself on stage performing. The fact was, he had become so obsessed in self-loathing that he inadvertently had an out of body experience. His astral form hovered above the stage.

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