Eighth Time’s A Charm

800px-AmericanBadger

The American badger can not only rip a human’s head off, it is responsible for 80% of robo-calls.

Aaron Watershow was about to get married for the eighth time. He was only 27 years old. In a nutshell, he had serious commitment issues. To shed further light on his shortcomings, it must be revealed that he was raised by loving badgers, after being abandoned in the wild northwest by loopy hippy parents.

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Don’t Do The Time If You Can’t Do The Crime

KeystoneKops

From 1912 to 1917, Keystone Kops were the funniest act in Hollywood. 100 years later, not so much.

Benny Gondola was mortified after he opened the door on a Saturday morning. Expecting Jehovah’s Witnesses, and armed to pepper spray them if necessary, he was instead confronted by the dreaded Time Police. In unison, the two Time Policemen said, “You’re under arrest.”

Benny could not speak. He was beyond flabbergasted, yet he uttered, “For what? I haven’t done anything wrong.”

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A Regular Pain In The Mind

Headache

Headaches remind us of our mortality in the same way a hammer reminds us of throbbing thumb pain.

For the last eight years, Maynard Arthur’s waking hours were thoroughly and constantly overflowing with sheer disgust. So much so that he developed a permanent sneer. Unbeknownst to him, and fortunate for the free world, he owned it. If he had known of his potential strength, he would have certainly abused it. When he looked at anyone the right way, he would practically ghost slap them until they felt shame.

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