Easy Coma, Easy Go


To make sure we’re all on the same page, this hard hat is not a fashion statement. It saves lives and unnecessary head injuries.

Renaldo Tucci was as happy as anyone could be after learning from his doctor, Dr. Ut, that if he takes one more severe blow to the head, immediate death is certain. To be forthcoming, this would not bode well, for Renaldo is best described as headstrong and secondly, stupid.

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Reviewing: Welcome To Marwen

Welcome To Marwen

Just when you thought it was safe to go to the theaters.

SPOILER ALERT: Avoid this movie at all costs. I would not be surprised if its toxic contents makes cancer spread through your body quicker. Seriously, you’re better off spending the hour and 56 minutes doing anything else, like going to the dentist.

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She Blinded Me With Christian Science


The First Church of Christ, Scientist, Christian Science Center, Boston, MA. When they say thoughts and prayers, they really mean it.

Erica Stone, Christian Scientist Extraordinaire exclaimed, “Eureka!” Her disheveled frizzy hair, runny nose, and bug eyes obscured behind thick lenses reinforced her mad doctor look. She nearly dropped a test tube filled with devotion, which in turn would have toppled over a row of test tubes labeled and filled with blind ambition and temperance. The white lab jacket draped over her small frame added a good fifteen pounds to her appearance.

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Impromptu Picnic


Spring in Chicago has been added to the endangered species list. Many thanks to all the corporations for knowingly destroying the environment to profit.

It was the middle of March in Chicago. To be precise, it was the Ides of March, the historic day whence Julius Caesar [Inventor of salad and a hairstyle] allegedly spoke the words, “Great ghost of myself. Et tu, Brute?”

It was 70 degrees, and the sun was shining brightly as if were 82. As any good native of Chicago knows, this was a bonus day, as in, it was as rare as an edible pre-packaged thing of apple pie, as in, probably definitely a byproduct of the impending global warming, which will certainly devastate us all, as in it could easily snow the next day. By the by, it did, followed by reasonable tornadoes the next.

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