What I Really Wanted To Say

astro boy t-shirt

The Astro Boy® t-shirt I wish I was wearing at the time of this incident.

I walk into a bar to pick up a mediocre pizza. I wait, mindlessly looking up at the TV and notice the Cubs game. Out of nowhere, a dude across the bar yells at me, “How about them Cubbies? Go Cubs!”

Continue reading

Yabba Dabba Don’t

Flintstones Great Gazoo

Many TV critics will say that the introduction of The Great Gazoo was the moment when The Flintstones jumped the shark, when in truth, it was the introduction of Joe Rockhead, the Ted McGinley of the world of Stone Age animation.

There was a sublime calm in Bedrock this afternoon, an overwhelming sinister silence, which could not be penetrated. It smelled like aftermath. Like elegance unraveled, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble stood beside a lifeless The Great Gazoo. Here’s something you only discover after it’s far too late: a Zetoxian’s green flesh turns to the color of human flesh when viciously deprived of oxygen. After all, it’s one thing to kill a green alien, and it’s another thing to kill your fellow man, as chronicled in the tragic episode, “The Jeffersons Move On Up To Bedrock.”

Continue reading

Banana Glad I Didn’t Say Orange?

Woman Eating Banana

If you’re not careful, eating a banana could kill you, or worse.

Gina Hadley was having a difficult time eating a banana this morning on the bus. Especially after a conversation with her best friend, James Braddock, over the weekend, which went something like this.

Continue reading