Banana Glad I Didn’t Say Orange?

Woman Eating Banana

If you’re not careful, eating a banana could kill you, or worse.

Gina Hadley was having a difficult time eating a banana this morning on the bus. Especially after a conversation with her best friend, James Braddock, over the weekend, which went something like this.

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Introducing Rudy Giuliani In The Role Of Television Attorney Of Law

Rudy_Giuliani_(29299058811)

If this guy wasn’t somebody, he would just be someone’s crazy grandfather.

If I have learned anything in the last two years, it is this: if you’re going to be a lying-all-the-time lowlife liar, you need a good lawyer. If you’re worst than that, you need a good TV lawyer. Of course I am speaking of current president of the United States himself dictator wannabe Donald “Jag Off” Trump and his spin doctor/untruthful representative/TV lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.

Before proceeding, it is important to clarify. There is no such thing as perjury on television. The only true crime is low ratings. A TV lawyer doesn’t have to be competent, just entertaining. It helps if you have animated facial expressions that resemble someone having a stroke. The more you can repeat a lie, the more you shadow the truth.

Keeping all this in mind, this is what would happen if someone ever accused Trump of being a cannibal.

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So You Wanna Be A Clown

Clown_Bassie_2017

Clowning around is serious business, and a reasonable way to hide extra weight. Ask Plummet The Clown aka Obesity Clownicus III.

More important than actually being funny, one needs a good clown name. When choosing a name, it is important to think two to five years ahead. Keep in mind, what’s funny today may not be so in the future. Without a funny name, you are the worst type of clown. We can go further and say you’re the worst type of human being. After all, who goes around dressing up all freaky deaky and has a clown name like Mansun or Trump Jr.? I rest my case.

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A Proper Bucket List

“You say you’re even thinkin’ ’bout dying.
Well, before you do anything rash, dig this.”

The Main Ingredient, 1972

I get it, if you’re not thinking about food or sex, you’re probably thinking about dying. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, everybody’s doing it. In fact, just by living, you are actually dying. The only people that are going to live forever are Dick Cheney and “Fame“of song, movie, and TV.

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