I have been drifting through time of late, and it is unsettling. What I did minutes ago seems like weeks ago, and what I just did hasn’t happened yet. It’s enough to drive one mad. This is what happens when you reach a time coordinate in which you did not exist. There are many rules to time travel, follow them or die.
Gina Hadley was having a difficult time eating a banana this morning on the bus. Especially after a conversation with her best friend, James Braddock, over the weekend, which went something like this.
If I have learned anything in the last two years, it is this: if you’re going to be a lying-all-the-time lowlife liar, you need a good lawyer. If you’re worst than that, you need a good TV lawyer. Of course I am speaking of
current president of the United States himself dictator wannabe Donald “Jag Off” Trump and his spin doctor/untruthful representative/TV lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.
Before proceeding, it is important to clarify. There is no such thing as perjury on television. The only true crime is low ratings. A TV lawyer doesn’t have to be competent, just entertaining. It helps if you have animated facial expressions that resemble someone having a stroke. The more you can repeat a lie, the more you shadow the truth.
Keeping all this in mind, this is what would happen if someone ever accused Trump of being a cannibal.
More important than actually being funny, one needs a good clown name. When choosing a name, it is important to think two to five years ahead. Keep in mind, what’s funny today may not be so in the future. Without a funny name, you are the worst type of clown. We can go further and say you’re the worst type of human being. After all, who goes around dressing up all freaky deaky and has a clown name like Mansun or Trump Jr.? I rest my case.