“What Is And What Should Never Be Lazaretto Love Story” by JACK WHITE & LED ZEPPELIN Vs. DELTRON 3030

Zeppelin - White - Deltron
Jack White, no relation, squandered his time travel abilities by going back two minutes at a time, and eventually got stuck in a loop, like a record skipping.

And now, a mash up.

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The Hardest Part

Cat_lying_in_a_human_baby_crib

What happened? A) The cat smothered and ate a newborn. B) The end result of a lame magic trick C) This is an alternate universe where cats sleep in cribs or D) The cat was bored.

I thought this would be the easiest part. Shooting a defenseless baby in the head should be a no-brainer. Yet, here I stand, gun pressed against the forehead of baby Hitler. To be clear, it was Adolf Hitler, that evil tyrant with a distinctive mustache.

Who knew that time travel could be so simple? Thanks to the help of YouTube® and the mere purchase of three alarm clocks and a flux capacitor, time travel was a cinch.

Yeah, I know, killing baby Hitler is trite and all, but if you ever have access to a time machine, and you want to do the right thing, this is it.

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The Alternate Superman

other alternate superman

In this alternate universe, Stuperman is overtly ignorant. So much so that he spells stupor as stuper. This is his origin.

Jak-el and Burro, prominent Kraptonian mega-scientists, who were also married to each other, feared this day would come, but not this soon. They weren’t ready. They only had time to build one small prototype of a rocket to escape. If only the science council had listened to their pleas to stop drilling, instead of mocking the couple by drilling willy nilly to prove some kind of point, even the dentists. Now their planet is hopelessly vibrating itself out of existence. As they embraced, knowing their days were numbered, they turned to their baby son, Guz-el, who was sleeping soundly in what can be best described, a futuristic Ikea® crib.

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Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Whenever You Get Around To It

Luthor

Lex Luthor is a wealthy, power-mad American business magnate. At one point he was the President of the United States. He only served 3 years, 2001-2003, because he could not keep his corruption in check.

Lex Luthor, Superman’s greatest nemesis, was plotting. World dominance would rightfully be his, if only he could get rid of that meddling Boy Scout Kryptonian!

Before continuing, it is peculiar, yet true that Superman’s greatest friends, enemies and things closest to him, shared the initials L.L. Lana Lang, Lois Lane, Lori Lemaris, Lightning Lad, Lancelot Link, Chicago-based DJ, Larry Lujack, actresses: Linda Lavin, Lucy Lawless, Lucy Liu, Lindsey Lohan, and college admissions scandal socialite, Lori Loughlin, lava lamps, Lincoln Logs®, Loretta Lynn, Lyle Lovett, Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes, Mexican sensation, Los Lobos, Laa-Laa of the Teletubbies, Liver Lord, Livid Lass, and the other Lex, Lex Luger.

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