Cat Killed Curiosity


For all you cat lovers who oppose claw removal, keep in mind that you feed your cat this shit.

The tabby cat named Felina, paused to clear her throat, and promptly hocked up a hairball shaped like an abstract Funko® figurine, but moister. With that out of the way, she continued, “This “new” dry food is not good.” She lifted her paws to air quote. “Furthermore, “tuna flavor” must mean wet cardboard.”

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Retro Regret

Telephone parts

Before telephones could take pictures or act as miniature computers to settle trivia bets, it only did this.

It was 1979, a time when a device was a synonym for doohickey really meaning a whatchamacallit you couldn’t comprehend. The underprivileged people of this backward decade relied solely on the landline for personal telecommunication. To put things in perspective, the computer looked like this:

1979 CoCo3system

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pack of kittens

Gangs of kittens have successfully taken over retirement homes more times than you would think.

Out of his extraordinary peripheral vision, Simon Bagley, no relation to Jim, glimpsed a grey kitten peeking out of the shrubs. Upon closer inspection, he had discovered a litter of four and a half kittens (Maybe a third. It’s hard to tell without knowing the original mass.) They were mewling madly. Being a genuine “cat” person, he was terrified, for he knew the mother must be nearby and hell hath no fury like a mother cat.

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Leveling Up Is The New Down

Baby cat eyes

“Meowma. You’re next.”

“A cat has nine lives. For three he plays, for three he strays, and for the last three he stays.” Ancient proverb

That’s right. I’m a cat. Got a problem with that? Tough Purina Party Mix Crunch Friskies®. To set things straight, cats do have nine lives. I am currently on my ninth, and there’s nothing you can do about it. In my next reincarnation, I will be a human. I will finally be able to use your damn Bic® lighters.
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