Leveling Up Is The New Down

Baby cat eyes

“Meowma. You’re next.”

“A cat has nine lives. For three he plays, for three he strays, and for the last three he stays.” Ancient proverb

That’s right. I’m a cat. Got a problem with that? Tough Purina Party Mix Crunch Friskies®. To set things straight, cats do have nine lives. I am currently on my ninth, and there’s nothing you can do about it. In my next reincarnation, I will be a human. I will finally be able to use your damn Bic® lighters.
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Meow Kampf Mofo

Hitler Cat.jpg

“Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.” Image Source

 

2010 was a weird year for me. I had just adopted a kitten and he looked a lot like a certain führer. I was warned over and over again by all my friends, but in a classic typical me move, my cartoonish pride made me deaf to all those fucking idiots, and I went ahead and named my cat Adolf Hitler, Hitler for short. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have.

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Cats Are From Venus, Presidents Are From Uranus

Puppy

“Appreciate me better.”

I cannot think of a better way to celebrate National Cat Appreciation Month than to share the reasons why my cat is better than the current president of the United States, Donald Trump.

Before I proceed, my cat’s name is Puppy. She is almost three years old. Like her name implies, she can sit on command, and she fetches and returns plastic rings from milk gallons. Beyond that she is useless.

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Gin And Catatonic

surprised cat 2

That darn human-eyed cat gives me the willies.

He had awoken from the strangest dream, more disturbing than odd, more horrifying than weird. In fact, so real, he jumped in the air. This was not a dream.

Six hours ago, before this power catnap, Dexter remembered a previous life of being a human being. Now, he was a tabby cat thanks to some sort of mystical reincarnation hoodoo voodoo jive. He was certain that after some much needed sleep; he would forget his previous life. This was far from the case.

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