That Ain’t No Diphthong, It’s Diphtheria!


Not only is diphtheria a serious bacterial infection, there is a migrant caravan heading our way through the southern borders. We can never let diphtheria become a citizen. Never!

The results were unquestionable, even conclusive. Roman Moranski had full blown diphtheria. He was far from happy upon hearing these results, but it was nothing compared to Dr. Patel’s wrath. She obsessed over the inconvenience and cost of the decontamination process alone. And don’t you dare get her started on how this would mess up her brand new aquarium filled with the rarest most expensive tropical fish for the waiting room.

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Busta - Bruno
Mark “Harp” McIntyre played the harmonica like he masturbated. It was only good for him and nobody else.

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Worse For Wear


Able to have erratic heartbeats, maintain an erection for 18 hours, and demonstrate hours of explosive diarrhea, it’s Side Effect!

He was the greatest superhero of the 21st century, and truth be told, he knew it. With each successful achievement, his humility eroded to nothing. Now the hero, once known as Side Effect, was dubbed The Cocky Side Effect Megalomaniac. In some parts of the country, he went by the moniker, Oh No, Not Another Trump Guy. All that aside, today, he faced a challenge that would alter his life forever.

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The Origin Of Thoughts And Prayers


Why did the rich guy fire 10% of his work force? Because he could afford to.

Like most impotent paradigms and empathy short cuts, the expression ‘thoughts and prayers’ was born from a congregation of old white wealthy elites with more money than they needed. Especially detached from sweat, blisters and all else that reeks of a day of honest work. It was the worst case scenario of unchecked privilege and greed gathered in one place, all nickel and diming their way to millions, then billions, leaving their dog shit footprints on the back of those less fortunate, crushing the weak, infuriating the survivors. This was the lugubrious collective known as the one percent. It smelled like dust, mold and spiderwebs.

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