You Can’t Spell Diet Without Die

714px-Cannibals.23232

Don’t be a cannibal, be a cannotibal.

This was the exact reason why we decided all those years ago that we would never consume other humans. This pile of disgusting regurgitated glop composed of the pesky neighbor and spinach is why I wished we had hardwood floors instead of carpeting. Truth be told, the guy deserved to be eaten, for looking so delicious.

Continue reading

Reflections Of Chaos

Headless Man

When getting ahead in life begins with getting a head.

The people of Jungleton still talk about that far-fetched fateful day like it happened yesterday, the day when the 200 foot gigantic headless man came to reclaim his head.

Continue reading

Shoe Tales

white shoes-1592165_960_720

It has been statistically proven, one shoe hates you more than the other.

The left white shoe was rankled, and for good reason. It was sick and tired of all the disrespect from its owner. It seemed like the owner was purposely torturing the left shoe. The way he trod heavier on his left side with his uneven stomp of a walk. The way he dragged it as if it were a pegleg. Today, the owner seemed to go out of his way to step in a fresh pile of dog shit. The indignity.

Continue reading

Almost There

Ion_Chibzii_-_-Findings-out_of_relations-_(youth_of_60th_years)

The only thing more unsettling than a couple fighting is a couple not fighting.

“I cannot do this anymore.” Dolores meant it. You could see it in her eyes that puked disgust.

In the most deadpan monotone, her partner of too many years, Russell said, “Do it for yourself. Just do it. You can.” The fact is Dolores and Russell had been here thousands of times before.

Continue reading