That One Day, Maybe It Was A Tuesday

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Small towns are awesome and charming until you have a craving for samosas.

The people of Rural Rock still talk about that one summer day when Jamworth “Bucktooth” Johnson rolled into town on a keg of beer. It was a sight to behold, here he come down the street kicking up all kinds of dust and what not wearing nothing but a smile and his big dick flopping around and to and fro like some elephant who ain’t give a shit.

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Tales Of The Sad Trombone

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Beware! Don’t be fooled. This may appear to be a regular harmless trombone, but it is in actuality, the dreaded and vicious sad trombone. Use great caution. If caught in its hypnotic influence, instant death is inevitable.

It was 8:20 A.M. The train was packed with people and it smelled like it. The train went dark as it entered the tunnel. Not even a second later, the light was immediately replaced with an eerie man-made incandescence. A complete shift had occurred. You could no longer tell if it were night or day.

 

Vance Afro was utterly sandwiched between a pole against his back and a short old man, further flanked by a woman straining to carry a six-year old child, a schlub who needed to shower yesterday, and a businessperson.

This is probably a good time to pause for an explain this to me moment. The term businessman surely indicates male; and businesswoman, female. Yet when one says businessperson, we insinuate that the gender is female. This has been an explain this to me moment.

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Tales Of The Crack Is Whack

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The modern haiku is more about the messaging these days than the meter. Sad. Source.

To say he was stoned on the crack cocaine was a half-truth, because in actuality, he was both whacked and wasted. Little did he know it, he was also ten minutes away from dying. Without giving too much away, he’s going to freak out over something he sees, and his feeble heart is going to plain give out.

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Cat Killed Curiosity

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For all you cat lovers who oppose claw removal, keep in mind that you feed your cat this shit.

The tabby cat named Felina, paused to clear her throat, and promptly hocked up a hairball shaped like an abstract Funko® figurine, but moister. With that out of the way, she continued, “This “new” dry food is not good.” She lifted her paws to air quote. “Furthermore, “tuna flavor” must mean wet cardboard.”

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