Of Course, This Happened


In times of normalcy, the slap and the following consequences seen around the world, except North America, would be so out of the ordinary our heads would be spinning well into next month. But in our current stance of bat shit crazy, the real concern is: What took so long?

I don’t think I’ve ever said anything this truthful in my entire adult life: Celebrity behavior is outrageous.

Back in the day, December 13, 2017, I mini-ranted on the topic of Jada Pinkett Smith’s obsessive pursuit of the “award”. It was abhorrent then, more so today.

There are at least four ways to increase your chances to earn the Best Actor Academy Award. You can earn it old school by being a damn good actor.

Let’s face it, it’s the 21st century and that’s not going to happen. You can have your agent find you a good role in which you can be handicapped; be gay; be mean and angry, possibly racist; be mentally special; be the nationality of the month or be a combination of any of these traits.

Four years and some months later, congratulations to the Smith family for finding the formula.

It is sad that the Smith family cannot find happiness with their wealth and fame. It is because they no longer perceive themselves through real eyes. Their vision is tainted with opulence and Scientology. They have built a house of lies on a house of wet cards.

I suppose at a certain point, Will Smith starts to thinking out loud: “Okay, I have an Emmy. Who doesn’t? That’s right, DJ Jazzy Jeff doesn’t. Ha! A Grammy… so how do I get the Oscar and Tony?”

Jada responds, “We will petition and rattle our jewelry until we are fully recognized.”

To which, Will responds, “Yeah.”

I am old enough to remember a self-proclaimed billionaire who was really, at best, a padded thousandaire on a good day, who found himself at a major crossroad. Continue the descent of a reality-tv career or become the President of the United States of America.

The ultimate question is why did this happen? Is this an event set forward by the Orange Fatwad? Why does this all seem so normal? Why are we not surprised by this? The answer is simpler than it needs to be. It is because Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are assholes.

Will Smith received 40 million dollars to make the movie “King Richard”.



The Volkswagen Karmann Ghia, all the style without any of the frills.

Rollo Decks sat in his dilapidated Karmann Ghia, watching, mostly waiting. He slowly opened the door, for any other approach would have surely unhinged it from the car. He walked up to a man walking a small dog. On closer inspection, it was a large cat.

“Excuse me. Question. You seem to lack intelligence. You have the gait of a wounded porcupine. You exude visible stink lines.”

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Out Of The Frying Pan And Into A Bigger Frying Pan


“Dear Lord, it’s not you, it’s me.”

Thomas Knockers was in a bad way, and it was obvious. He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. The veins looked like overlapping routes on a GPS. A greater display of his discomfort was in the way he pressed the palms of his hands against his head, above the ears, as if trying to play a stubborn accordion. He was experiencing the mother of all migraines.

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Going Through The Hand Motions


More people die from wood chipper accidents annually than people killed by alligators.

Guiseppe Winnipeg was in a serious pickle. You see, in order for Guiseppe to speak, he needed to use his hands. He had to gesticulate, otherwise, he was reduced to stammering and resorting to saying things like whaddayah call them things, or you know that guy, the guy, that guy. Since he could not snap his fingers, he was utterly useless, like a lighter with fresh flint and zero butane.

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