That Ain’t No Diphthong, It’s Diphtheria!

Diphtheria_vaccination_poster

Not only is diphtheria a serious bacterial infection, there is a migrant caravan heading our way through the southern borders. We can never let diphtheria become a citizen. Never!

The results were unquestionable, even conclusive. Roman Moranski had full blown diphtheria. He was far from happy upon hearing these results, but it was nothing compared to Dr. Patel’s wrath. She obsessed over the inconvenience and cost of the decontamination process alone. And don’t you dare get her started on how this would mess up her brand new aquarium filled with the rarest most expensive tropical fish for the waiting room.

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Inconsequential Tripe

Nixon_Elvis_December_21_1970_Meeting_Cropped

A 1970 photo opportunity, as they were called then. One would resign in 1974 to avoid certain impeachment, the other would resign on a toilet in 1977.

Every so often an expression comes along that is so stupid, you begin to hate anyone who uses it. And of course, because it’s such a damn catchphrase, you eventually use it yourself, and nothing good ever happens when you hate yourself. Here’s a recap of trite truisms: It is what it is. Life’s a bitch and then you die. Life’s a bitch and then you marry her. YOLO. Don’t worry, be happy. Life’s a beach. Life’s a beach and then you marry her. Shit happens. It’s like rain on your wedding day. Today, it is the nothingburger.

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The Only Thing You Need To Know Is This

yoga-mat-on-wooden-floor

Potentially the greatest weapon known to mankind.

It was her yoga mat. In a very general way, you could accuse Emma Hopkins for being a clean person, although one could easily disperse such thoughts by getting a good whiff of the atrocious rolled up foam rubber tucked under her arm. In a world where everything is under a constant magnifying glass, you would see her armpit scream vomiting.

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