Untold Tales Of The Dark Knight

batman in front of computer.jpg

Batman teams up with a box of facial tissue, but not before an intense game of CSI: Minesweeper.

Batman sat behind the disturbingly large computer screen, his cowl draped behind his head blending into his cape. This was when he was most at ease, the rare moment of openly being both Batman and Bruce Wayne, watching over his city in the way God may look down on Earth, or a peeping Tom gazing into the biggest window. Even though it was Christmas, he was ever vigilant, for crime never acknowledges religious holidays.

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With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility


An intense close-up of a Rorschach inkblot.

“Oh my sweet Jesus. This stench is unbearable… yet oddly familiar.”

Jed, a life-long criminal, was square-jawed, inching forward slowly, as Luigi, his newbie henchman, nodded continuously. If it weren’t so dark, Jed could observe Luigi’s uncomfortable posture. He was actually scared for his life, and the bobbing of his head was just an extension of his quivering body. Luigi hated dark, small, cramped places. If he had a larger vocabulary, he might have been able to admit he was claustrophobic.

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Aquaman’s® Day Off


aquaman costume

Do you see black and blue or white and gold? Aquaman® sees a suit of great responsibility.

Aquaman® was beside himself. He was absolutely pissed. It was supposed to be his day of serious rest and relaxation. Instead, taking the advice of his main man, Vulko®, he found himself speechifying in front of a small group of mollusks, assorted crustaceans, and starfish in order to strengthen support from all of his subjects. There had been a great divide after an offhand ichthyologist joke he made in an interview with robot Lester Holt®. All because of an offhand pun about sea anemones, enemies, and frenemies. It was a rhyme. It was cute. He didn’t mean it.  In short, Karma® sucks. Apologizing wasn’t enough, so now he was on this tedious spin tour. Keep in mind, he was the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, thus it was reflective in his body language. He took the stance of a vegetarian at a meat festival behind the podium, hunched over and anxious. It was painfully obvious that he had better things to do.

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Nothingness Breeds Nothingness

dawn on the S rim of the Grand Canyon

SPOILER ALERT: Inefficient Man® strikes a heroic pose in front of the Grand Canyon.

After countless years of being told how inefficient he was by his boss, and especially his wife of 17 years, Blaine Edwards was sufficiently convinced. He decided he would show them what was what, and became the most inefficient man they or anyone had ever seen.

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