I was sent to prison for a crime I did not commit. Because of the color of my skin, I was sentenced to death by hard labor. I learned a difficult lesson about the unfair system of justice for those who can’t afford it. I swore on that day, I would not die in vain. In fact, I caught myself shaking my fist in the air, as if cursing the heavens.
On a typical day, Kraven The Hunter resides in an existence commonly known as The Marvel Universe, or Earth-616. [WARNING: ORIGIN ALERT!] He was born Sergei Kravinoff, a misguided Russian immigrant, and the son of an aristocrat. Perhaps it was this combination that turned him into a maniacal big game hunter seeking only to hunt The Amazing Spider-Man. Later, he would become the founding member of The Sinister Six, a collective of villains sworn to destroy their common foe, your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
He stared at the wall, not once bothering to shut the fuck up, adding to his overwrought soliloquy. “If not for the untimely interference of World War II, which in my humble opinion, is greatly over-rated. It does not deserve to be called a great war! At best, it was an adequate war. Why the Spanish-American War of 1989 is not considered a great war is purely racist, one of the greatest injustices of history. Yet again, I digress when I should merely state my point, I will be the rightful ruler of the universe as soon as…”
Not only was The Alchemist bored, she was restless, thus twitchy and itchy, reticent as hell, buzzed on heroin, and drunk on cooking sherry, perhaps the most under-rated high. It must be noted, she had more liquor on her breath than most taverns stock. Worst of all, she was lonely; as lonely as all the recurrent overwrought characters in a Sting song.