Neither Hide Nor Hair


When searching the word ‘peculiar’ on the interwebs, this was one of the first images to appear. 

Maria Padilla was peculiar, to say the least. But it had nothing to do with her appearance, even though she was absolutely stupid crazy for plaid, wore her bra as an overgarment, somehow cornrowed her eyebrows, and every time she was faced with a choice, her tongue dropped out of her mouth. One day, she will have it reattached.

It was not her hidden “charms” like the swastika birthmark in her armpit. It was not her insistence of riding a bicycle naked under the light of every full moon, and then heckling onlookers with clever quips like, “Why don’t you take a picture?” Often, she would wait until the starers got their cameras.

It was not how she ate a thin crust pizza with a butter knife and fork. It was not even her apparent outward hatred for Native Americans, especially when crying. Perhaps, all of these traits combined would define her peculiarity. No.

It was her 12-and-a-half-inch penis. But that’s not even the weird part. When she is fully erect, her penis reduces to inches.

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