Spontaneous Doldrums

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Not many people know this, but the average person spends a little more than one third of their waking life stuck in traffic. Often, it proves to be lethal and mind numbing.

“What was that look?” The stale gum hardening in Amanda Fukwith’s mouth cracked as she chewed with inappropriate fervor, considering they were waiting at a stoplight.

Seymour Fukwith, who was clearly driving the vehicle, had just accomplished many things at once, thus his addled expression. “That look?”

“That look. What was that look about?” Weary of the incessant barely gum, more like putty, she spit it out into her hand, balled it up, and placed it on the rim of an empty can of Coca-Cola®.

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I Only Have Lies For You

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“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Martin Luther was lying. He had no idea what she had just mumbled at him, and the more uncertain he was, the more confident his replies were. In this case, as so many times before, it mattered none.

On the other hand, Greta Haribo, his employer, the boss lady, was hotter than a hot mess. Her mental state was all kinds of wrong, which may imply her physical state was better. It wasn’t. By looking at her, one would guess she was in her late 40’s; she was 23. Bat shit crazy does things to ones appearance, especially the hair.

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Crime Rhymes With Time, So Does Rhyme Part 2

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When time travel goes awry, it looks like this.

Previously on “Crime Rhymes With Time, So Does Rhyme”: Connie DuWhonnie, a devout atheist, went on a time traveling excursion. After much internal debate, ADHD got the best of her, and she inadvertently straightened out a crooked painting of a seashore, breaking the one law of time travel, don’t tamper with it. We now return to “Crime Rhymes With Time, So Does Rhyme.”

When Connie returned home. She exhaled a humongous sigh of relief. Everything was as she left it. She emptied her pockets, taking out some loose change. That’s when things got strange. The quarters felt like nickels, and nickels like pennies. It was becoming apparent that her hands were growing larger. It did not stop there.

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Crime Rhymes With Time, So Does Rhyme

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Aside from Hitler being born, do you know what else happened in 1889? This.

Connie DuWhonnie was unimpressed. To further exemplify her indifference, she snorted, “Meh.”

As far as she was concerned, time travel is overrated, especially when going back in time. Sure, the scientific breakthrough aspect is nothing to sneeze at. Yes, it’s amazing that we have actualized the concept of movement between certain points in time, but beyond that, boring. All you can do is observe the things you can read about in history books. You might as well watch Hallmark made-for-cable-TV historic re-enactments of Christmas.

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