The following tale is about the most selfish asshole who ever lived. Before you assume it is Trump, may I remind you, there is a rich history of such unbelievable turds who have walked this earth. Odds are good that you actually know one or two of these bullies; perhaps even, you may be one. All this preamble aside, this is Thomas Papodopoulos.
I am Uatu. I am the Watcher. As my name implies, I watch. Since time out of mind, I have observed the rise and fall of civilizations of worlds—of galaxies. I know all that is – most that has been and much of what will be. Yet, I watch, never interfering. To do so would be to step on the Interferer’s duties, and as any civil person knows, never mess with another’s duty. Another word of advice, never look at Uranus too long.
I have also many windows into the strange parallel worlds of what might have been. For, none save a watcher, me, can truly know what could have happened. But for the invisible workings of an incomprehensible fate! For instance…
What if Stan Lee still wrote Stan’s Soapbox in 2018?
The results were unquestionable, even conclusive. Roman Moranski had full blown diphtheria. He was far from happy upon hearing these results, but it was nothing compared to Dr. Patel’s wrath. She obsessed over the inconvenience and cost of the decontamination process alone. And don’t you dare get her started on how this would mess up her brand new aquarium filled with the rarest most expensive tropical fish for the waiting room.
Mark “Harp” McIntyre played the harmonica like he masturbated. It was only good for him and nobody else.