“White” people problems from CNN

The events of Charlottesville, Virginia has been very difficult to process for me, a Korean-American guy, more so when you attach the year 2017 to it. This sort of disruptive behavior is so 1990s.

The best way to understand this bigotry is to pretend that you have to explain this phenomenon to a non-Caucasian child. “Well, you see, it’s like this. Some white people believe that they are so much better than you that they want to see you erased from society. By the way, if you see Confederate flags approaching you, run away.”

From this deconstructed definition, I fully support that Kim Jong-Un is slightly cooler than David Duke.

My top five most despicable people who deserve to die the horrible death they’ve earned are all white men: David Duke, Steve Bannon, Dick Cheney, and the two dudes from Tears For Fear. Aside from sucking each other off, they all share one thing in common; they spread the gospel of hate and greed.

I’m sure you’re asking, “Hey Sung, what about Donald Trump?”

He is an inconsequential member of the weaker species. He is like the raccoon that attempts to cross a road, only to be side-swiped by a slow moving vehicle, only to die on the shoulder of the road from utter loneliness. Trump is a mere puppet, and the puppeteer, his ignorant pride. He is just a head with a vomit hairdo.

I’ve said it a thousand times, and I’ll probably say it a thousand times more, it must be nice to be the white man. It must be nice to alter your speech when you speak to a non-English speaking foreigner. It must be nice to drop definitive articles when you think you are “relating”. These foreigners have a specific term for people like you: asshole. So look, asshole, save your pantomiming for your trivial charade games. Save your slowed down condescending speech for your parents with Alzheimer’s. By the way, I’ve seen assholes like you speak to my parents this way. If you talk down to people, stop it. People are judging you, especially me. Don’t make me add you to my top 100 list.

Dear honkies and crackers, I feel your pain. It must suck to lose your favorite memorable leaders. Off the top of my head: Benjamin Franklin, Adolf Hitler and Jerry Springer. [FACT CHECK: I do not feel your pain. Jerry Springer is still alive, though his brain capacity is very questionable.]

White supremacists, you are the wandering Israelites without Moses, and everything else is your Red Sea. It is the impasse that stifles your social skills. Talk about white problems, sheesh.

Hey David Duke, get your iPhone (manufactured by non-white people) and Shazam this. You are a sniveling moron.

P.S. I think it is necessary to even the racist playing field. Honky and cracker are not acceptable racial slurs for white people. They are too tame. One sounds like a lovable clown’s name and the other, something Polly wants. We need a harsh term that makes the white man feel the same shame other races feel from derogatory nicknames.

#FuckTheKKKSamplesJamesBrown’sFunkyDrummer