A Lemon’s Tale


A lemon had fallen from a tree. There was nothing graceful, nor elegant about it. It was purely clumsy and further proof that gravity worked. All this meant nothing to the lemon, it was clearly unhappy as was evident in its colorful language. “For God’s fucking sake, this… Did. Not. Just. Happen. I’m good. All I need is a few minutes and I’ll just ascend like nothing happened.”

The lemon waited, hyperventilating on the ground to no avail. “Too soon. Too fucking soon! I still belong up there. What the fuck is your deal, God? Huh?! You miserable fuck of fucks!!”

The lemons above collectively shushed the cussing fruit. It responded, “You shut the fuck up! You’re living the high life. For fuck’s sake!” The lemon cursed, this time because it really wished it could’ve air-quoted “high”.

The lemon looked around and saw half a dozen lemons that had fallen earlier. It began to cry, “Please, please… help me get back up there. If you help me, I swear, I’ll become an organ donor… I will…” Its voice trailed off.

It focused in on a particular lemon a few feet away. It was withering and brown, obviously dead. The lemon shuddered with the realization that it would meet the same fate. It sat still. What was the damn fucking point? As its life flashed by slowly, it realized how meaningless its life really was. Life equals nothing. It bawled, gushing juice all over. For the first time in its short existence, it realized what its purpose was. It struggled to make a genuine smile just before dying.


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