What’s First?

Who's On First

“Seriously? There’s no way anyone is gonna go by the name I Don’t Know. That’s so ludicrous, I can’t even talk to you anymore. Good day.”

Two astronomers stood beside an enormous telescope. For a very odd reason, they called each other the night before and decided they’d wear old-timey vaudeville costumes. The pudgy one, the shorter of the two said, “It’s whack how the universe is constantly changing. What with the discovery of new asteroids and the redefinition of Pluto. It’s hard to keep up.”


“Absolutely.” The pencil-thin mustached one said while leaning forward on his tiptoes.

“So what are we going to look at first?”

“Uranus.”

“My anus? We don’t need a telescope for that.”

“No, Uranus.”

“Why my anus? Why not your anus?”

“That’s right, Uranus.”

“But, I never consented to that.”

“We don’t need no stinking consent to see Uranus.”

“Fine. What are we going to see after my anus?”

“No, Uranus.”

“That’s what I said, my anus.”

“After Uranus, we’re going to see Moistus.”

Upon hearing these words, the rotund man fainted out of pure disgust.

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