What’s Up With Justin Timberlake?

As a 54 year old Korean man, which I preface everything I say with, I am baffled by the celebrity status of the Justin Timberlake. I respect him as an actor. He is as competent, compelling and believable as Mandy Moore or Dean Martin, maybe more so. Watch In Time, a sci-fi movie starring JT from 2011. It’s not the best movie, nor is it the worst, entertaining enough.

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He ain’t no Oscar contender (yet),  but he has cred amongst the Hollywood echelon. I can tell you this, he is a much better actor than Keith Gordon of Christine and Back To School. I despise that no-talent movie ruiner. You know there’s a problem when a demonic car with no lines out acts you. Though, it turns out that I do respect his directing skills, because he has directed a few episodes of my current favorite TV show, Fargo.

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I also respect Justin Timberlake’s comic sensibility. His appearances on Saturday Night Live are some of the brightest moments of that long-running-put-it-out-of-its-misery show which is good only one quarter of the time. Speaking of long-running-put-it-out-of-its-misery, he was good on the 89th Academy Awards.

Here’s the puzzling part. Why can’t I respect him as a musician? He’s a dazzling performer, he’s got Caucasian Michael Jackson moves, yet underneath all that veneer, the music is flat and unmemorable.

I know this. His stint with *NSYNC or ‘N Sync or NSYNC was teenage fodder. (I didn’t know this: JustiN, ChriS, JoeY, JasoN, and JC, mind blown.) I wasn’t supposed to like it, I was one of those full-fledged adults. The only song I found tolerable was “I Want It That Way”, and that’s because “Weird Al” Yankovic parodied it in the form of “Ebay”. And guess what? That wasn’t even *NSYNC, it was their doppelgänger cousins, Backstreet Boys.

I suppose I’m okay with “Bye, Bye, Bye”, in the same way I am with Wilson Phillips, “Hold On”. Go ahead, you want to hear it. I fully understand if you don’t. It’s a good film montage song.

If you ever see me in the presence of a JT song, it is for ironic reasons, or a complicated mistake, or I am quickly running away from the scene.

It pains me a little inside that I’m not in touch with the musical side of a celebrity I like. Russell Crowe is another beast entirely. I dislike that Aussie blob of pomposity through and through, especially his music! [Ish and meh for Kevin Bacon.] Don’t tell anyone, but I actually liked Crowe in The Nice Guys [2016], his portrayal of Nick Nolte from 48 Hours is decent.

After wracking my brain, I came up with a way for Justin Timberlake to enter my zeitgeist of pop music relevance. A team-up of epic proportions, like Wolverine and Ginsu® Knife. Wait for it…

Justin Timberlake and Palmer. Imagine the sheer combo of prog-rock polyrhythms from Carl Palmer mashed up with the white soul r & b gloss of Justin Timberlake. My Kenny G-Spot is tingling like Spider-man trapped in prison with all the villains he put there.

#JamesBrownsvilleStation, #JamesSavoyBrown

One thought on “What’s Up With Justin Timberlake?

  1. Pingback: Huey Lewis And The News, and then a Pop Music Daffynition | The Home Of DJ Sung Mo Koo

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