Got Your Nothe

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Sign language for I am a moronic dope.

It has come to my attention that kids say the darnedest things, but more often than not, the kids don’t know when to shut the fuck up. But, it should go without saying, use your responsible adult ear filters and listen to your child when necessary. Especially when they say, “Get off me. I’m suffocating.” Or “Don’t leave me in this hot car.” Or “My left arm is going numb.”

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What’s Up With Mitch McConnell?

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A comic book story based on Mitch McConnell’s years as a reckless teenager. Notice that Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen is actually an anagram of Mitch McConnell.

With the pending approval of Judge Brett Kavanaugh into the Supreme Court, the pundits have been bandying about how this could boost the Mitch McConnell legacy. Let’s face it, he needs this, otherwise, he goes down in the history books as the guy who was neither man nor turtle. But, if the Kav goes through, McConnell will be known as the Senator Majority Leader who seated two overly conservative judges. One who loves beer and another known only by the name of Gorsuch.

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What I learned from social media the day after Presidents’ Day

Social Media

Social media, like alcohol and raw sewage, will destroy your life if you let it.

It’s Presidents’ Day and not President’s Day. Teens still don’t want to get killed by guns! Especially of the automatic weapons kind. It’s not like there was a time when they did! There’s a Kentucky Fried Chicken® shortage in England™. A lot of parents do not like the eccentric Public Television Cartoon Caillou. I get it, there seems to be an absent back-story to Caillou’s mental illness or disability, which makes the show seem dangerously dishonest or overly coy. If he was a real boy, I am certain we’d be calling the authorities for his suspicious behavior. Speaking of, current president of the United States, Donald Trump, is smart enough to not force himself on a woman in front of security cameras. That’s like a bank robber saying, he does not rob banks in front of security cameras. In essence, there’s an admission to being a criminal. What a maroon. Bite-sized quiche is not difficult to make. In fact, I could make it. Patton Oswalt is on a book tour for a book he did not write. David Bowie was one skinny motherfucker in the day. Proof that our society is finally getting it: people who fart on planes are finally being treated like terrorists.

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What is up with Ancestry DNA?

I am a sucker for television commercials. In fact, a lot of Americans are too, otherwise they wouldn’t proliferate our airwaves. Whether it is the Copper Top No-Stick pan or the sexy hot chat lines or the greatest R & B hits of the ‘70s, I am totally interested. It should come as no surprise that Ancestry DNA was the product/service I chose.

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Would the upset be where my mom beats my dad?

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