The Eastern Gray Squirrel is best known for its thick eccentric accent and its extreme penny-pinching.
This was an unusual squirrel for many reasons. Foremost, he was 68 years old. His extended longevity allowed him the luxury to identify himself as male, and thusly name himself, Sammy. To put things in perspective, it is rare, probably impossible, for a squirrel to live more than 25 years, especially on the rugged gang-infested streets of South side Chicago.
In this alternate universe, Stuperman is overtly ignorant. So much so that he spells stupor as stuper. This is his origin.
Jak-el and Burro, prominent Kraptonian mega-scientists, who were also married to each other, feared this day would come, but not this soon. They weren’t ready. They only had time to build one small prototype of a rocket to escape. If only the science council had listened to their pleas to stop drilling, instead of mocking the couple by drilling willy nilly to prove some kind of point, even the dentists. Now their planet is hopelessly vibrating itself out of existence. As they embraced, knowing their days were numbered, they turned to their baby son, Guz-el, who was sleeping soundly in what can be best described, a futuristic Ikea® crib.
From the obscure comic strip, “Cowboys & Indians & Aliens & Pop-Tarts® In Area 51”. Not to be confused with the adult film, “Cowboys & Pussy”.
I was sent to prison for a crime I did not commit. Because of the color of my skin, I was sentenced to death by hard labor. I learned a difficult lesson about the unfair system of justice for those who can’t afford it. I swore on that day, I would not die in vain. In fact, I caught myself shaking my fist in the air, as if cursing the heavens.
Courtroom artist rendering of the alleged superhero fighting crime in Chicago.
Dr. Cornelius Hamilton took a deep breath and paused, as if waiting for logic to kick him squarely in the behind and bring him back down to earth. He was more than surprised that his hands were trembling. He was actually nervous. He flexed his muscles and liked what he saw. It gave the blue and red unitard credibility to be filled out with such a sheer hard body. All the hours at the gym paid off, but not as much as the steroids. Yet, he was still filled with trepidation.
The sound of a switchblade and a motorbike.
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