Courtroom artist rendering of the alleged superhero fighting crime in Chicago.

Dr. Cornelius Hamilton took a deep breath and paused, as if waiting for logic to kick him squarely in the behind and bring him back down to earth. He was more than surprised that his hands were trembling. He was actually nervous. He flexed his muscles and liked what he saw. It gave the blue and red unitard credibility to be filled out with such a sheer hard body. All the hours at the gym paid off, but not as much as the steroids. Yet, he was still filled with trepidation.

At the tender age of eight, Cornelius discovered the magical world of comic books. His favorite was The Amazing Spider-Man™. He was drawn to the message: with great power comes great responsibility. It forever changed his life. He decided then and there that he would be a superhero.

As fate would have it, along with a butt load of proper education, he instead, became a better than average physicist. Now that he had ripened at the age of 33, he obsessed on the converse Spider-Man™ theory. If one has great responsibility, is there great power?

Upon discovering a reasonable answer, he became socially aware that he could no longer abide with the rampant corruption and crime destroying his neighborhood. To not do anything about it was complicit, and no way in hell was he going to be complicit. He would become a vigilante of the night.

He slowly put on the last piece of his costume; a ridiculously enormous afro wig, for criminals are a cowardly superstitious lot who always respect a good head of hair. He struck a pose: chest out, head held high, and fist in the air.

It occurred to him that before this adventure, he should do the thing he should have done first. Google® search his new name, which he was very proud of. The Afro Physicist.

After about a 30 second wait, wi-fi reception was horrible in his hood. (This would be his next mission.) He screamed before falling backwards, fainting into unconsciousness. This is what he saw: