I’m A Dog Person Is Something You Will Never Hear Me Say

Chinese Dog Market

If it dies like a duck and hangs like a duck, it must be edible.

I have become invisible to dogs. I think it’s because I’m Korean. I would like to be clear. I am not saying all dogs are racists, though most of them are. Thus the stereotype! Then again, I am not not saying they’re racists.


No. Hear me out. As much as I’d like to simplify the whole matter, I can’t. It’s complicated. To behave in a racist manner, one needs to have a certain amount of intelligence. Dogs are not that smart.

I have a theory. It’s an evolution thing. Thanks to Ancestry.com®, I have learned that I come from a long lineage of dog eaters. I’m not proud, but it makes sense. More sense than eating rabbits.

After centuries of my people eating dogs, dogs have evolved, and have learned to ignore us. It’s a thing. In the same way an ex-alcoholic avoids passing a tavern, or an opera singer with strep throat steering clear of recitals.

I know some of you are saying, hey, you must be wrong, I know some Koreans that own dogs.

Wake up! It’s a beard thing. The slang term for a person who is used as a romantic partner to conceal one’s sexual orientation.

I can assure you, I have also evolved. I will be the first generation of my family to not eat a dog.

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