They’re There


“I can assure you that there will be no there, there. That is to say, on the other side of life, after our flesh is consumed by worms and such, no one will be there to soothe us by saying there, there while patting us on the back.”

Since the White House has turned into a full-blown reality television show, I have been glued to the fake lying media. In particular, I have become a fan of the “The 11th Hour With Brian Williams.”

Brian Williams, not to be confused with the Chicago Bull basketball player who died mysteriously in a boating incident, his actual name was Bison Dele, was the trusted anchorman of the “NBC Nightly News.” Emphasis on ‘was’ due to his misrepresentation of events, which occurred while covering the Iraq War in 2003.

All of this is merely a preamble to the point at hand, when did the news start talking as if their audience were morons?

Whether it be the repetitive terms like gaslighting, optics, or drip drip drip, one has to wonder: are they dumbing down, or are we, as a cultural society, dumbing up? Worse, does it even matter anymore? And now, my impersonation of my favorite celebrity…

“Good evening and welcome to the 11th hour, day 980 of the Trump administration. At the risk of starting with a snide remark, or snarky, I’d like to point out an expression often used on this network as well as the others.

It’s the term ‘no their there’. Can we automatically assume it’s a singular possessive then? Attached to an adverb, no less? If so, does no one even consider how ridiculous and redundant this might sound to a child? It’s as if someone in plain sight has pulled the plug out of intelligence.

If this seems all too familiar, well, here we go, it’s like labeling, stereotyping, if you will, people on the fly at an “old school” comic book convention, a relic from yesteryear, the kind that combines the morbid scents of old, possibly wet paper and the sweat of rabid fans, more so the obese creators. You point at each person that passes by you, usually male, and say drip, drip, drip, in the most condescending way you can muster.

And this just breaking, I have just been notified that it’s actually no ‘there there’, as in the adverb used twice. Yes, just like a double negative, but in this case, a double adverb. In the place of actually saying, in the place where something should be, there is nothing there. All this, and it’s only a Monday.”

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