The Native Americans summed it up best: man with many nicknames is man of great influence. That is definitely the case with Mel Tormé. Maybe not so much on the great influence, but the nicknames are a many: The Velvet Fog, The Velvet Frog, Chestnut Roastin’ Tormé, Mel Tormé, the crooning gourmet, that guy who was on the lame Lucy Show and Night Court, and Cracker Honky.

Mel Tormé wore many hats, the beret, the top variety, the pork pie hat, as well as the literal hats, he was singer-crooner, drummer, songwriter, actor, writer, and slightly rotund germaphobe. [FACT CHECK: Definitely slightly rotund, maybe not germaphobe.]

Mel Tormé was born in Chicago, 1925. In 1942, he played drums and sang for a band led by Chico Marx, yes, that Chico from the Marx Brothers with Groucho, Harpo, Gummo and Karl.

• Mel Tormé was a real-life fast draw expert. So was Sammy Davis Jr.!!
• Mel Tormé co-wrote “The Christmas Song”, made famous by the legendary Nat “King” Cole.
• Mel Tormé kicked the shit out of Chuck Norris once, by kicked the shit out of, I mean he accidentally ran him over with a golf cart. [FACT CHECK: Absolutely no verification of whether this story is remotely true.]
• Mel Tormé considered rock and roll to be “three-chord manure”.

In 1986, Bob Dylan teamed up with Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers to record the little known single “Band Of The Hand”, from the even lesser known movie of the same name, which was directed by Paul Michael Glaser, Starsky. My brother would sing “Mel Tormé” over the garbled chorus, which made more sense than the phlegm Dylan and Petty were coughing up.

In 1996, Tormé died from the common ailment known as stroke.

Mel Torméyo

/mel/ /tôr/mā/ō/

proper noun

brand of creamy white condiment consisting of egg and oil, known as the velvet fog you spread on sandwiches

[although sounding identical (a homonym), never to be confused with Mel Tormé, yo i.e. “Yo, dawg, is that Mel Tormé?” “Indeed, it is Mel Tormé, yo.”]

synonyms: Mel Torméonnaise, unhealthy, salad dressing

“A roast beef sandwich ain’t a roast beef sandwich without a little Mel Torméyo and black pepper.”

“I have a question about the short-lived television show, Mel Tormé, Yo MTV Raps hosted by Ne-yo with DJ Scott Baio; was it sponsored by Kayo and Mel Torméyo?”

#JamesBrownTheChristmasSong, #JamesBrownBlackVelvetTributeCharlesBradley