I’m not sure why, but a man and a lion were companions on a journey. (This must have been a thing back in the days of Aesop, because this sort of interaction hasn’t happened in my lifetime, maybe Siegfried and Roy.) [Fact check: Neither Siegfried nor Roy was a lion.] In the course of conversation, they began to boast about their prowess, and each claimed to be superior to the other in strength, courage, and intelligence. This arguing continued, growing louder, rage rising, when they came to a crossroad where there was a statue of a man strangling a lion. The man was Hercules, and the lion had bugged out eyes on the verge of popping out of its head.
“There!” the man pointing to the statue said, “Proof. In. The. Pudding. Doesn’t that prove to you that we are indeed stronger than you? Huh, bitch?”
“Not so fast my furless amigo,” said the lion while licking its paw. “That is only your species point of view. If we lions had the “time” or the “luxury” or the “capabilities” to build a statue, you can bet your sweet bippy, you would see a dead man underneath the paws.” It was funny and odd to see the lion use air quotes.
From behind the statue, a gigantic cyber-monkey appeared from nowhere and howled before beating its metallic chest with one fleshy paw and one robotic paw, its laser eyes glowing bright red. The steady rhythm of thud clang, thud clang, thud clang was horrifying and catchy all at once. In normal circumstances, the lion, who was also a DJ would have sampled the thud clang. By the by, this was neither normal, nor circumstantial.
The lion and man paused, looked at each other, doing a double take, then a triple take, before losing control of their bowels right on the spot. The smell was not pretty, but the sight almost was. This was followed by running away from the cyber-monkey as fast as they possibly could.
The cyber-monkey sat atop the statue, pretty proud of itself. Then, it felt a hot breath on the back of its neck, and quickly turned to see what possessed such a putrid exhale. Turns out to be none other than, Godzilla. The cyber-monkey fled appropriately.
Godzilla smirked only to hear a herd of buffalo-bumblebees approaching. Before she could figure out if it was a herd or swarm or swarm-herd, she did what she did best and high-tailed out of there. The swarm-herd of buffalo-bumblebees hovered around the statue, droning and moaning a song of victory.
MORAL: No matter how big you think you are, you just ain’t all that.