Milli Vanilli and a Pop Music Daffynition

Does anyone even say ridonculous anymore? Speaking of anymore, Milli Vanilli.

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Charles Dickens said it best, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was Milli Vanilli…” Flashback to 1989: The best of times were De La Soul’s Three Feet High And Rising, Beastie Boys’ Paul’s Boutique, Nirvana’s Bleach, Elvis Costello’s Spike, XTC’s Oranges And Lemons, and Pixies’ Doolittle. The worst of times were Julian Lennon’s Mr. Jordan, Ramones’ Brain Drain, Jacksons’ 2300 Jackson Street [Without Michael, what was the point?], Starship’s Love Among The Cannibals [Jefferson Starship without Grace Slick, what was the point?], Jefferson Airplane’s Jefferson Airplane [Thankfully, their final studio album with Grace Slick. What was the point?], Rolling Stones’ Steel Wheels, Grateful Dead’s Built To Last, Kenny G’s Kenny G Live, and Phil Collins’ …But Seriously. And then there’s Milli Vanilli.

Here’s what I know about Milli Vanilli off the top of my head. A decade after disco, a new trend of music, which I call “shittier disco”, began. This led to the birth of Milli Vanilli. It was inevitable. Image over substance had become the norm in pop music. Paula Abdul, Roxette, Tiffany, New Kids On The Block, and much more sludge paved the way for even less talent. Enter: Milli Vanilli.

1990 was a year of shame for the Grammy Awards, this is not to say other years were any better, but for the first time, an award had been revoked. It was for Best New Artist. Nominated that year were: Milli Vanilli, Boyz II Men, Men With A Hat, Men Without Work, Gentle Men, and Men-O-Pause. The winner: Milli Vanilli.

It turns out, Milli Vanilli didn’t even sing on the album, Girl You Know It’s True! Big backlash followed and their award was taken away. Long story short, one of the duo, not even sure if it’s Milli or Vanilli killed himself. The chance of a reunion is impossible, now they have something in common with The Beatles.

[FACT CHECK: Charles Dickens never mentioned Milli Vanilli. Not shittier disco, shittiest disco. Indigo Girls, Neneh Cherry, Soul II Soul, and Tone Lōc lost to Milli Vanilli. Someone’s father has called Milli Vanilli, Milli Vanilla Ice.]


Milli Vanilli Willy

mil/lē/ /və’nilē/ /’wilē/

noun

euphemism for a talentless penis that pretends to work

synonyms: STD?, useless, Trump

“The man could not be taken seriously after his ex-girlfriend outed him for having a Milli Vanilli Willy.”

Robert-Rob-Pilatus-June-8-1965-April-2-1998-celebrities-who-died-young-38463218-512-794

Milli or Vanilli? The dead one.

“With great deal, she explained how her husband’s Milli Vanilli Willy would loll about like a fleshy light tower with no electricity.”

#JamesBrownHadTenKnownKidsNoMilliVanilliWillyThereCausePapaDon’tTakeNoMess

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