Commentary from a North Korean

Sung-KimJongUn-morph

 

Commentary by Kim Sung-Un

 

Sung Mo Koo, you raceest peeg! I can tell by your name that you too are also Korean. You are zee worst kind. You are what we call Uncle Tom. Your raceesm must cease and deseest. First of all, you’ve got our accents all wrong. We North Koreans have a deefeecult time pronouncing l’s and r’s. Your portrayal of our type is zee worst kind of offenseeve, eet eez eencorrect. You are like zee fake news. Die you weak capitoleest donkey!

Eet eez my hope that you suffer zee indeegneety of your reckless pride. Your sort, weeth brains and such, thoroughly deesgusts me. I have had eet up to here weeth your callous stereotype talk talk.

Eef thees eez an attempt at humor, you fail. There eez nothing remotely funny een your prose. [sic] You portray eembeceelic eegnorance and large eeresponseeble lies as fact. I hope they take Chreestmas away from you forever, you large deeckhead!

Why don’t you take a short walk on a long pier and just stand there in the meedle, lost like the jag off you truly are.

While you grow fat ameedst your Amereecan dream, I beg every night that you choke on an oleeve peet that one of your “fellow” Amereecan lazy asses deed not unpeet, while you drink your martini with Bill Cosby. Take that, dummkopf.

Eef you had taken the time to correctly research North Korea, you would know that we do not eat hot dogs. We call eet sweet meat. Get eet right. Having to correct you on such a crucial fact makes you a dirty asshole. Like zee Colonel Klink, you know notheeng.

Your preposterous report about our elections, what the ‘h’ do you know? See thees permanent eendentation een my forehead? Thees ees where a rifle was pressed against for many hours, as I cast my ballot for zee supreme Keem Jong-Un. Eet eez zee truest form of democracy. Voting eez not voting unless there eez a gun to your head. I hope you get eemaculate conception gonorrhea weethout the joy of sex. Thees is my seengular thought as I strain to push my steenky sheet out of my butthole. I theenk of your nuclear demise while I vomeet zee sweet meat from zee bottom of my stomach.

How dare you creeteecize our lack of arteestry. That eez like calling me a monkey while you scratch your armpeet like zee stupeed exaggerator. Eet eez like you calling me a breelo pad while wearing a blue afro weeg. Your family should feel zee shame of your magneetude of stupeedeety.

I hope you go to zee heaven or zee hell, while I walk my death years in peaceful purgatory. I never want to see you again Meester Ass Wipe. You are zee Ashton Kutcher of blogs. You suck!

You are bullsheet. I am clean. You are jag off. I am haveeng sex with beautiful goat. You are the worst. I am the best.

#WhoEezTheesJamesBrown?

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