Illustration © 1992 Jay Lynch

Bonjour mes amis, and welcome Canadians. After 25 plus years, I’m back. Although I’ve been de-clawed, I am like the Wolverine from the X-men movie-tv-lunchbox franchise, and my claws have burst through my knuckles. It is a bloody mess, and well worth it, because there’s a lot of crap out there to snikt and reveal.

Disclaimer: The viewpoints expressed by the author do not necessarily reflect the opinions, viewpoints and official policies of sungmokoo.com.

Not even worth scratching.

Say what you want about JIM BELUSHI, okay, he’s a privileged, no-talented, unfunny white Albanian living off the legacy and shadow of an older brother, JOHN BELUSHI, who died in the prime of his life. In the long run, we should be thankful for his early demise. Imagine the shit bomb movies he would have made to fatten his cocaine wallet and deviate his septum. 1941, anyone?

It’s nice to see that ABC had the common sense to cancel the obvious pandering vehicle, Downward Dog, after eight episodes. Kudos to ABC, and jeers to the bad butt-licking media venue that potentially dares to resuscitate this literal dog. Who needs a Wonder Years through a dog’s point of view? Probably you and the rest of your idiot dog-adoring friends, that’s who. Contrary to popular belief, the Jews do not control Hollywood, my friends; it’s the dogs. Call me whatever you like, I prefer realist survivor, “dogs will not replace us.” My next hairball is dedicated to all you all spineless asses.

Hate-vomited in his shoes.

Speaking of lucky to have an acting career, JEREMY PIVEN, slightly, but barely more likeable than VINCE VAUGHN, has a new television show airing on CBS this fall. It’s called Wisdom Of The Crowd. In short, the Wisdom Of The Crowd will ignore this contrived garbage, and this show will last three weeks, tops. See what I did there, bitches? I mean it.

Ex-Beatle, Ex-Wing, Ex-relevant.

And speaking of three weeks, tops, sources very close to SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY claim that they’ve been hearing an unusual hiss every time he raises his arms in the air. Is he leaking classified information? Only time will tell.

The older version of Piven.

Let’s put our hate hats away, and let’s all give DONALD TRUMP another chance to properly make amends for the tragic events in Charlottesville, Virginia, his petulant behavior, and dividing ways as POTUS. Come on, we gave ROBERT DOWNEY JR. 17 years to get his shit together! Let me give you a little refresher course: Johnny Be Good, Rented Lips, 1969, That’s Adequate, True Believer, Chances Are, Air America, Too Much Sun, Soapdish, Chaplin, Heart And Souls, The Last Party, Hail Caesar, Only You, Richard III, Home For The Holidays, Mr. Willowby’s Christmas Tree, Restoration, Danger Zone, One Night Stand, Two Girls And A Guy, Hugo Pool, The Gingerbread Man, U.S. Marshals, In Dreams, Friends & Lovers, Bowfinger, Black And White, Gothika, Eros, and Game 6. If I have included one of your favorite movies, and have offended you, shame on you. Think about it, shame on you. There is better film on rotting fish.

Sousa? Loser!

Is it true that the ghost of JOHN PHILIP SOUSA requested that the president no longer play “Stars And Stripes Forever”?

“Swift”ly losing her religion.

While we’re on the topic of petty differences and people, TAYLOR SWIFT is dissing KANYE WEST on her latest single, “Look What You Made Me Do”. Instead of fueling this ridiculous race war, why can’t celebrities use their fame and unite the masses? It is their God-given responsibility to unite you stupid, frivolous humans so you can take better care of kittens. They ought to put down their hate guns and make love to each other. Show, heal, and shut the fuck up. If birdbrain, KALEY CUOCO can do it, why can’t you? Sheesh, I need a hit of that catnip.

Will throw for food.

It’s a shame to see that COLIN KAEPERNICK’s career went down the toilet because he refused to stand during the national anthem. Politics should not be an issue in a world dominated by physical collisions and play-by-play narration from ex-football players. But let’s face the hard ugly truth, if San Francisco had won more games in the capable hands of COLIN, would this even be a thing? Decent stats are so much unclumping litter: useless without a win.  San Francisco in 2016 NFL season: 2-14.

The best thing about the human race.

Let me add, bullshit to Black Lives Matter. Cat Lives Matter! Ask SARAH MCLACHLAN, and she’ll tell you, cruelty to animals kill a lot of cats every day. Help her right this wrong. Give her money. I condemn in the strongest possible terms, this egregious display of hatred and bigotry and violence on many sides… on many sides. I’m talking to you, yeah you, you ignorant human trash.

My condolences to the victims of HURRICANE HARVEY. Please remember: it is not women and children first, it’s cats first. Now say that out loud so I get the feeling that your simple mind understands.

That’s all the time I’ve got for now. Remember, when you think you’re pulling one over on me while I lick myself, I’m watching you with a greater vigilant eye. Beware or whatever. Reginald out!