The more I write, the more mistakes I make. It’s sad and inevitable, like sexual assault. With power comes abuse and ludicrous advances, it’s just the way people are wired. Whoever said the meek shall inherit the earth, they were on cheap crack. I hope the following errors did not cause any inconveniences.

• Colin Kaepernick could not fit a helmet over his big afro head. No way. That’s the real reason he didn’t play.
• Rats are capable of speaking up to three different languages, not two.
• Huey Lewis is not a good for nothing bum, he can snap his fingers.
• I misquoted the Bible. Jesus wept, not slept. [FACT CHECK: I still have not written the “Bible Built For Two”.]
• Gunny sacks and colostomy bags are not the same thing.
• Using the logic of Harvey Weinstone as a Bedrock personality, is Fred Flinstone Jewish too?
• When the Trump family was on Celebrity Family Feud, the question was: Where do people get wet? Donald Trump did reply, “Under Russian hookers.”
• There was never an NFL team called the Minnesota Mushrooms.
• Chonky is not a derogatory term for a Chinese Caucasian.
• Jazz hands are detrimental when performing simple tasks, like wiping yourself after using the bathroom.
• Giraffes do not have retractable necks like an accordion, nor do they make musical tones when they sway.

Mushroom