Fan Fiction with The Flintstones


Fred mumbled and grumbled as he tapped the spoon against the hard-boiled pterodactyl egg in front of him. His toe was still red and throbbing. “Damn newspaper boy and all the news fit to print on a stone tablet rassafrass, too old for this.” As he stretched, every bone in his body creaked. He slept on the front porch again last night, while the cat slept at the foot of the bed. His throat was sore from screaming Wilma all night. Apparently, Wilma is a sound sleeper. One day, he will figure it out, and save his voice.

He was disgusted by the headline: Harvey Weinstone Accusations Cause Chaos In Hollywood. These celebrities are out of control. With great power comes great responsibility, not gross sexual assaults. Ever since the Bill Clintstone/Monica Lewinsky scandal, it’s only gotten worse. What’s next? Raping dinosaurs?


Harvey Weinstone, stone age film producer and active sex offender.

Barney Rubble walked in, bright and bubbly, “Hey there, Fred. Ready for a round?”

Fred groaned, “What are we doing?”

“Gee, if I remember correctly, we’re going to the club to golf a round or two.”

Fred stood up, his bones crunched. It didn’t sound good, like a small car accident. He grabbed his buddy, “No. I mean, are we so selfish raising our children so they can see the world burn before their very eyes.”

Barney laughed, “That’s some somber thinking there, buddy. Maybe you should lay off the emo music and all that binge eating.”

“Very droll, Barney.” Fred glared so hard, you could see the fire of Satan in his eyes.

Barney gulped hard and went silent.

“I’m serious. Every day, our world gets a little worse and we just let it happen. By the time our kids become adults, there won’t be a world to live in. All this fracking, all this groping, all this terrorism, Kevin Spacerock, all this racism, all these guns, all this country pop music, all these oil spills, and don’t get me started on global warming. Something has to change.”

And if on cue, The Great Gazoo materialized and transformed Fred into comedian, Louis R.O.C.K. He said, “There you go, dumb dumb,” before disappearing. Fred, or Louis proceeded to masturbate. Barney was uncomfortable.


3 thoughts on “Fan Fiction with The Flintstones

  1. Pingback: Erratum Update | The Home Of DJ Sung Mo Koo

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