What I Really Wanted To Say

astro boy t-shirt

The Astro Boy® t-shirt I wish I was wearing at the time of this incident.

I walk into a bar to pick up a mediocre pizza. I wait, mindlessly looking up at the TV and notice the Cubs game. Out of nowhere, a dude across the bar yells at me, “How about them Cubbies? Go Cubs!”


Realizing he’s talking to me, I nod and say, “Yeah.” He must have felt the need to fill his quota and speak to an Asian.

What I really wanted to say was, “Look at me you brainless dolt. I, unlike you, am bereft of sports merchandising. In fact, I am wearing a t-shirt that has Astro Boy® on it. Why would I give a flying damn about overpaid grown men chasing around a little stitched ball? Oh yeah, it’s because I’m not stupid like you. By the way, how many people have you raped after killing and eating them, jagoff?”

After assessing the room, I was happy with my initial response. If there’s one thing I know, know your audience and play to the room; be kind, rewind.

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