It’s funny and tragic all at once. I never thought I’d ever compare myself to the current president of the United States, Donald Trump, yet here I am comparing and hating myself. It appears that my words have become the Melanie Trump of this blog. Where the hell are they? Did they get a tragic facelift? Are they on the cusp of painful death because of something stupid I have done or said? Did they leave me for N.Y. or Virginia because I abused them? Was it all really just a benign kidney condition? Were my words poisoned by the Russians? All FAKE news, for if you look behind you and up, there are my words, and they are proudly looking down at us.

There is a very simple explanation. My words really enjoy their privacy, and we should respect that. They need time to heal. On that note, have you noticed that Melania’s left eye is now her right? For a better understanding of what may have happened to her, I refer you to NBC news anchor, Lester Holt.