The Japanese cockroach is much better at math and science than the lazy American cockroach.

The truth was very simple. Audrey Gilbehart gave up. She was done. It was official. She no longer gave an iota of fuck.

It was not the barrage of condescending mansplanations at work; nor was it her cubicle made smaller with the new intern’s annoying constant presence; nor was it the current political climate.

It began eight days ago, when she accidentally received a firearm through Fed-Ex®. When she held the gun in her small hands, mostly out of curiosity, she transformed, not unlike a robot in disguise taking the form of an automobile. She had become enlightened by the metaphysical question: myself or randos? Fortunately for her community, bullets are hard to come by when you’re gun-ignorant.