Twas A Wonderful Life


The original Bert and Ernie before they were mutated and turned into puppets, or as the kids call it, muppets.

Stranger things have happened. She grew on me like a chintzy mustache, so naturally, like sane people tend to do, we got married and had two and a half children, as well as a St. Bernard named Platypus.

We were living the American dream. Malanka worked for the government, testing marital aids for public service announcements, while I pursued my dreams of fluent karate.

After sixty five years of blissful matrimony, I accidentally wrote the greatest Christmas song of the 21st century, outlived my wife and kids, and lived out my days on a 36-dollar-a-day Xanax® addiction.

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