It Was Dire


To avoid an epic idiot death, be on the look out for this sign.

It was a bad morning. Steve and Peg Braddock woke up in Cleveland. To make things worse, they decided to take a hike and ended up in quicksand. As would most in this situation, they struggled to get out, which only made them sink deeper and faster, until only their heads were bobbing atop. To say that they were desperate was like saying they were definitely going to die like this and in Cleveland. Their only consolation was the predicament had nothing to do with a selfie.

Steve looked deep into Peg’s eyes and said, “I have always loved only you.” There was an obvious pause, and he continued, “I have slept with other women.” Peg knew he was going to say that and she so wanted to strangle him. She sunk a little deeper as she tried to reach out for his stupid neck. Her face was boiling red and she nearly exploded when she said, “I finished your vanilla yogurt!”

Eight awkward silent minutes later, they drowned.

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