Crime And “Pun”ishment

George_III_(reigned_1760-1820)_by_Richard_Collins

This is King George III of the United Kingdom. He may have suffered from bipolar disorder.

Alexander the Mediocre was designated to a fate far worse than death. To be clear, he totally deserved it. Just one look at him, you could tell he was utter garbage. From the pretentious monocle to the poofy white powdered wig to the fake star-shaped birthmark above his lip to his fanciful walk to wearing too much ruffles.


For the last ten years, since he assumed power of the kingdom of Stinkoria, after the suspicious death of his father, Alexander the Adequate, he had been pilfering money like a baby slobbers and drools. To make things worse, he was exaggerating his value under the pretense that this is how the other excellent rulers do. It was this very act of foolish pride that led his people to unite and throw a coup.

After storming the palace and apprehending Alexander The Mediocre, a local business witch fixed things so Alexander could not die. One may ask, how does immortality fit the crime? What sort of numb nut dreams this tripe up and considers it fair? Before making hasty judgment, here’s the rub, he has to pay taxes for the rest of his life. Cue up the sad trombone.

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