Ambiguous Biography

View out of the diner window

The diner is the best place to spread gossip as if it were gospel while eating breakfast no matter the time of day.

“Hey look, it’s her again.” Mark McCoy said casually while slurping cold coffee.


Jack Downing paused and glanced out the window. With a mouthful of wheat toast, he replied, “Wow, she looks trashed.”

Mark nodded incessantly, “I just found out that she used to work at our firm back in the ‘90s until she flipped out.”

Jack picked out a piece of ham from his Denver omelet. A thin strand of cheddar cheese broke off as he lifted the fork to his mouth. “That happens a lot at your job. But I’m sure I heard she was the CEO of Nabisco® until she got caught embezzling a shit ton of money.”

“No, you’re thinking about her.” Mark used his thumb to point out the waitress behind him. “According to Alicia in payroll, she was a superstar, climbing the corporate ladder faster than a crack addict with a hundred bucks gets high. Well, the promotions stopped, because she had reached the highest point a woman could get with The Kanye Law Firm.”

“That was still a thing in the ‘90s?”

“Wake up! It’s still a thing today.” Mark glared at Jack disgusted by his ridiculous naivete. “So she gets so pissed off that she starts to take it out on herself. She makes one bad life choice after another and gets really sick.”

“Yow, that happened to my sister.”

Mark was so into his story, he disregarded what Jack had said. “Ultimately, she gets an STD, and somehow everyone at work finds out. It becomes an unbearable Scarlet Letter scenario. She is forced to quit. She becomes homeless. And she is simply known as the one who put the her back in herpes.”

Jack took a big bite of his meal. “For the first time ever, I’m glad I’m a dude.”

“Amen.” Mark made the universal sign for check please.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s