Putting The Pubic Back In Public

436px-Clarence_Thomas_official_SCOTUS_portrait

In a world of many Clarence Thomas’s, this one is the most famous.

Clarence Thomas was not quite right. Mildly put, he was touched in the head, or more appropriate, punched in the head. Unlike his namesake, the Associate Justice of the Supreme Court one, he was white, privileged for all the wrong reasons and grossly obese; but like his namesake, he liked to speak candidly and often about pubic hair, beginning every conversation with, “Who has put pubic hair on my Coke®?” Even whilst holding a can of Sprite® or Orange Crush®! Outrageous.


The following happened today. An unsuspecting woman responded. She was the plainest Caucasian you have ever seen with absolutely no distinguishing features. She was the freshly painted white wall amongst all the others, all the others. She said, “First, that’s totally rude and ignorant.” The whole time wagging her finger in his fool face, she waged on. “Second, you are obviously drinking a Pibb Xtra®.”

Clarence, dim as discussed earlier, interpreted this as an opening. “A thousand pardons if I wasn’t making myself clear, but I would like to know who.”

She could no longer contain her disgust. It was all over the mangled expression on her scrunched up face. Equaling his obnoxious behavior was the stench he exuded, which was abominable. Not knowing what to do, she ran away as fast as she possibly could.

She was fortunate as hell. Had the conversation continued, he would have learned that her name was Anita Hill.

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