It’s true. My first entry was supposed to correspond with a mash-up I created of David Bowie’s “Fame” and James Brown’s “Hot (I Need To Be Loved, Loved, Loved, Loved)” aka “Hot (I Need To Be Loved, Loved, Loved)”. It was going to be my big launch into social media.

All was going well. I uploaded the song to Soundcloud, linked it to my Facebook account, licked Cheetos’ dust from my fingertips, and then I did what all DJ’s do… I waited. An hour later, I received this letter.

Godfather of Soul?! More like Godfather of Stolen Riffs! Technically, James Brown did not even write “Hot (I Need To Be Loved, Loved, Loved, Loved)”. Okay, the lyrics, and the accompanying melody, I’ll give him that. But the groove, that hypnotic riff, that was all stolen. It’s like a Beatles’ Tribute Band trying to sue someone else for performing a Beatles song, you know, like “Yesterday” or “Strawberry Fields Forever”.

For the next three days, I will avoid James Brown music. For the rest of my life, I will diss James Brown’s abnormal humongous head every chance I get.