My feelings are best summed up by Arthur Fonzarelli, from Happy Days, a television show about a Wisconsin family in the ’50s, which aired in the ’70s, not to be confused with That ’70s Show, a television show about a Wisconsin family in the ’70s, which aired in the ’90s, “I was wr–… I was whirrrr–… I was wuh… Cunningham, tell them what I really mean.”
My distaste for James Brown was blown out of proportion. It began when SoundCloud removed my James Brown Vs. David Bowie mash-up a month ago. Since then, SoundCloud has removed my mash-ups because of The Beatles, Luiz Bonfá, and Larsen-Feiten Band. I don’t have the time or energy to hate on all these bands. And for the sake of God’s little acre, who hates on the Larsen-Feiten Band, let alone is aware of them? (The real reason for this new stance, I feel like a hypocrite every time I thoroughly enjoy a James Brown song.)
Atonement is in order, so from this point on, I will only compliment James Brown, the Godfather of Soul, the hardest working man in show business, and all around proper good egg.
- James Brown has an awkward disproportionately large head to contain his huge-ass brain. Big brain equals real smart-like.
- The Pope, God, and the nicest man walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Why hello there James Brown, here is your glass of nectar. Thank you so much for brightening my existence with your mere presence, you are the man.”
- The reason James Brown is so litigious is because he is absurdly wise about his artistic creative value. Papa don’t take no mess.
- James Brown took PCP because he had to even out the playing field with us pathetic mortals. By reducing himself to a state of blathering lunatic, he became what we consider normal. Way to be humble, Mr. Brown.
- I don’t care what everyone else says, James Brown released his Christmas album for the kids, and not for the pure capital gain. I’m looking at you Neil Diamond, you greedy pig. Do your people even celebrate Christmas? And by your people, I mean the weird drug-casualty celebrities, you know, like Jeff Goldblum or Jerry Springer, and while I’m at it, David Arquette.
- James Brown died for your sins and he more than deserves your complete devoted love and then some, your 109%.
“You may not be looking for the promised land
But you might find it anyway
Under one of those old familiar names, like
“Living In America” James Brown
This ex-hater is out!
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