Something I never want to see, but probably will…

 

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Dewey, Bill Yu and Howe. “Not only are we lawyers, we are clients.”

Men. Have you or any other man you know, been accused of improper sexual advances in the workplace? Are you unable to control your violent temper with your girlfriend/wife/any female? Were you forced to resign from a high paying job, only to be further embarrassed because fellow employees found out about your tragic erectile dysfunction and the following bemoaning text messages? We hear you, and we empathize. Call us. We’re Dewey, Bill Yu and Howe®. Call now. 1-888-ME THREE™, 1-888-ME THREE™. The best defense is a good offense Our motto is “Blame or be blamed.” We are here to help you fight for your rights.


Was your name dragged through the mud by hard evidence, like time-stamped photos and DNA samples? Call us. The longer you wait only proves your “guilt”. And you know the difference between guilt and “guilt”. We have been helping “criminals” like you for over forty years.

We will defend you when no one else will. We are experienced in disrupting court procedures. We are here to help you, and only you. Our professional staff will feign a heart attack for you when you need it the most. If we have to, we will give you walking cancer. We will and can earn you the sympathy of the jury no matter what it takes. Our clients aren’t only happy, they are free.

We can help you simplify your life in three easy steps. One, we will keep you out of jail. Two, we will help you find an affordable, yet fashionable plastic surgeon, if you’re lucky, we may have one or two in the waiting room. And three, we will change your identity. Now the world is your oyster. You can now live freely like the man you were born to be. You can apply for that job with the White House. Be “complicit” with the best of them. You can return to your way of life, by calling us, Dewey, Bill Yu and Howe®. 1-888-ME THREE™. Call now for a special bonus gift. Mention this ad, for more special bonus gifts. Now accepting cases of overt racism. Remember, we get paid, even if you don’t. We have no shame in putting a price on freedom for YOU so you don’t have to! Call 1-888-ME THREE™. NOW!

Simplify

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