Wow, I Did Not Know That


Set time machine for 2003 and save the date. Image Source

Mystifying tales. Death-defying truths. Swirling innuendo. Let’s face it. Everything we once knew has changed drastically in this post-truth world. When Putin says up; we already know that he really means execute someone or do as I say, current president of the United States, Donald Trump, and when he says down, he means he understands, as in I’m ‘down’ with that, comrade brah. Even our emotions have changed. Sad is anger, something I like to call sangry. Anger is wisdom. Wisdom is now an emotion? To say the least: crazy times.

Take this with a grain of salt if you are on an immediate death wish. Cats are secretly plotting to take over the world. It is frightening how the media chooses not to report the steady growth of the deserts of the world. If I were a cat, I imagine a desert world in the same way dogs imagine a fire hydrant world. This is not a coincidence with the constant over population of cats, especially in Europe. Especially in Europe!! Instead, the media scares us with this ridiculous global warming notion and melting polar caps. If they’re right, the fish are taking over. Either way, humans are screwed. Let’s see what the ever-shifting wheel of emotions™ says. Fear is happy. Happy is wisdom. Wisdom is an emotion? It’s a fact. It’s true!

According to the BFF, the leading cause of longevity in a human’s life span is racism, followed closely by a raw fish diet. It can be proven by our shifting wheel of emotions™. Racism is fear. Fear is wisdom. Wisdom is still an emotion? The next time you say something trite like, “Haters gotta hate,” you really mean, “Happy 100th Birthday, Einstein.” It’s a fact. It’s true!

This week, we will celebrate National Crab Day. Just to clarify, fifty years ago, it was a much different beast altogether. Back in the 1970s, it was under the umbrella of National STD Awareness Day. Let’s give the wheel of emotions a spin. Lust is disgust. Disgust is wisdom. Yet again, wisdom is an emotion. It’s a fact. It’s true!

Chicago’s Eisenhower Expressway, lovingly called “The Ike”, was named after Dwight D. Eisenhower, the 34th President of the United States. Did you know it was because he smelled like asphalt? Some claim that his face looked like a highway. Let us apply a different way of measuring this. Dwight D. Eisenhower’s vice president was Richard Nixon. Elvis Presley met Nixon in 1970. Ann-Margret is his co-star in Viva Las Vegas. Anthony Hopkins plays the lead in Magic with her. Brad Pitt and Hopkins “act” in Meet Joe Black. Kevin Bacon and Pitt are in the movie Sleepers. Six degrees of separation. It’s a fact. It’s true!


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