Gubernatorial And Raisinets®


“It hurts when I go like this, doctor.”

It is a bleak time to watch television in Illinois. Political ads for governor, assessor, attorney general, county board president, dog catcher, and  congressman dominate the airwaves. It is annoying, repetitive, and clattering. As of February 2018, Illinois’ gubernatorial candidates alone, have raised over $133 million for their campaigns. That’s a lot of scratch, which could be better spent on fixing just about anything else. Instead, it is wasted on these sniveling politicians. Here’s an idea, half that money should go to repairing our decrepit infrastructure. This is how hungry people feel when they watch someone throw out a piece of steak.

Frankly, it’s like choosing between an expensive apple and an overpriced banana when what you really want is a modest cheeseburger. To further complicate matters, the apple is rotten to the core and the banana is nothing but a thieving motherfucker.

Instead of defending their stance of being palatable or barely acceptable, they point out the weakness of their opponent. For example, the apple attacks the banana for its dishonesty, while the banana attacks the apple for how it’s just a decomposing piece of garbage. How refreshing would it be if the apple ran on the platform that it can’t rot any further? The banana could say, “Although conniving, I taste pretty good.” Sad. If there is one thing I thank current president of the United States, Donald Trump, for; it is the one word sentence. Sad. Huge. Sad.

Jeanne Ives is the Republican running against incumbent governor, Bruce Rauner. She claims that she abides by the honor code of West Point. “I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.” It is frightening we live in an age where this has to be stated out loud. It should be assumed. I’m certain that her resumé includes breathing, eating, and defecating. Sad.

To give you an idea of what she is all about, she launched her campaign with the following ad:

As a functioning Asian Illinoisan, I do not grasp the tiniest bit of reality from this commercial, there is no point I can relate to. Perhaps, I live in an urban bubble, for this mentality is so foreign to me. I do not know anyone who actually believes this “message”. It must be a rural thing, which I am not a member of. Falling asleep knowing that this ad is geared to people who follow this agenda gives me another reason to sleep with my eyes wide open. Sad.


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