Sisterhood Of The Traveling Rants

Suffragettes,_New_York_Times,_1921

Blistered sisters administer verbal fisticuffs to the White man’s sinister twisted passive/aggressive laws that benefit only them.

“Never in my life have I met such cantankerous men,” Dolores Regan had to catch her breath before she could continue, “One can’t help but wonder what sort of upbringing could rear such contempt. If I had to guess, it’s years of coddling bedwetting.”


The Coalition of Judging Women laughed. The group consisted of 52 prominent women, each representing each week in a year. Their sole agenda was to correct the wrongs created by ignorant men in power. Connie Yung stood before stating, “I’d like to add to Dolores’ observation. These privileged people in the “White” House forget who they’re really working for.” She exaggerated the air quotes as she said white. Her tone was as indignant as a bigot race-plaining their dwindling superiority.

Dolores clutched her handkerchief, closed her eyes, and looked Godward before exclaiming, “Amen, sister!”

Connie assumed this to be a sign to continue. She was correct, “It is a shame how the leader of our country is even entertaining the idea of growing a Hitler mustache. I mean, how gauche, so 1940s in all the wrong ways.”

Alison Milano added, “Seriously? A Hitler stache? It is disgusting enough that he has that sickening skin tone. Is that a spray-on tan or what? I mean, what is that all about? Whoever convinced that idiot alien orange is a good look should be hanged.”

Sheila McLaine exalted, “Or rewarded!” The women roared in laughter.

As the wave of hilarity subsided, a suspicious woman cleared her throat, and without standing up said, “If you ask me, I think our government is doing what they’re supposed to do: govern.”

A grim silence overtook the room, and the woman disguised behind a mustache and cow horns reaffirmed her dubious nature by attempting to run away. She was immediately tackled to the ground, and her false handlebar mustache was peeled off, yet the cow horns could not be removed. It was Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

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