It Is Too Bad Kavanaugh Doesn’t Rhyme With Smug Privileged Asshole Liar

kavanaugh

This horrific no-look pass is the greatest sports blooper of the decade.

My intention was to chronicle the demise of American democracy using the classic form of art, the epic poem. I wanted to heighten the moment in the vein of Homer’s “Iliad” or T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland” or Pauly Shore’s “He Who Farts Loudest Has The Final Laugh”. Sadly, I do not have the time or the rhymes necessary to take on such a large task for a mere audience of six or so.


The drama of Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation as Supreme Court Justice before the Senate Judicial Committee this week has been nothing short of a travesty. It is as obvious as a crying baby at three in the morning that the Republicans are up to no good. The need to hasten the process to push through this apparent asswipe is repulsive. From Chuck Grassley’s nervous gavel pounding to Lindsey Graham’s sickening southern charm, which is just my way of saying he’s under the influence of Putin. I can’t help but think about how white, old, and cantankerous the Republican Party has become. Who do they even represent anymore?

Instead, I will use the lowest form of poetry, as the pun is the lowest form of humor, the limerick.

There once was a judge named Kavanaugh,
Who claimed he was really from Saginaw.
Confronted with the blatant lie,
He unleashed this response with a snarky sigh,
“What do you expect from a smug privileged asshole liar?”

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