“Frankly, I’m glad this story isn’t about me. The fake media has to give it a rest, if you know what I’m saying.”

The following tale is about the most selfish asshole who ever lived. Before you assume it is Trump, may I remind you, there is a rich history of such unbelievable turds who have walked this earth. Odds are good that you actually know one or two of these bullies; perhaps even, you may be one. All this preamble aside, this is Thomas Papodopoulos.

Today Thomas was updating a database. Typically, he had a hired peon handle such tedious work, but this was personal, very personal. He was composing a thorough list of known enemies and collating them with unknown threats, which included acts of God and misheard intimidation. To say this was complex is like saying Dennis Miller is a has-been, as in, duh, come on people!

His smile was nothing compared to the glee within his soul, for this was the best-organized, comprehensive, intuitive, game-changing list of the people most deserving of his focused hatred. Since mentioning lame-brained Dennis Miller, the true creator of the expression ‘Crack is whack’,

A BRIEF HISTORIC INTERRUPTION: In 1986, Keith Haring created a mural called “Crack Is Wack”. In 1987, Dennis Miller, as anchor of fictional news, Weekend Update, altered it to crack is whack. It was unintentional. It was merely a subtle altercation by using Caucasian inflection of automatically replacing the ‘w’ sound of ( w ) as in windy into ( hw ) as in white whittlers whistle. We now return to the story, already in progress.

Thomas Popodopoulos hit send. He grinned like a baby after a good playful bout of got your nose. Like a sudden sneeze, he laughed maniacally. Ten minutes later, he recomposed himself, and exclaimed, “Make sure to say hello to whatever God you worship for me.” He punctuated his decree with further uncontrolled cackling titillation.

EPILOGUE: Due to his ineffective existence and plain ineptness, Dennis Miller was nowhere near the enemy list. He is too full of non sequiturs to be half a threat. Let me assure you, if this was a list for impotent and futile, he’d own the list.