A Preposterous Tale Of Unchecked Indecency


According to John Lennon of The Beatles, Sir Walter Raleigh was such a stupid git.

William Walters slammed the door behind him and exclaimed, “I’m going out for a pack of smokes!” An important fact, he did not smoke, nor did he vape, nor chew, nor snort. It was a disgusting habit, and like the many who believe that liquor is quicker, or crack is whack, or heroin is harrowin’ or Cher 4.0 sucks; he believed that tobacco is whacko.

William was quarreling with his long time Airbnb™ guest with benefits, Shari Goldberg, again. Long story short, fifteen months later, she was still a paying customer at the Chateau Walters™. This morning, she forgot to leave the toilet seat up and replaced the toilet paper over and out instead of under and out.

Once outside, he realized in his fit of rage, he did not dress properly for winter. Actually, the only thing he was dressed for was a pajama party. His pride fuelled by irrational angst prevented him from turning around and doing the sensible thing. Instead, he just marched forward.

William should have known better, but when one is drowning in a tsunami of emotions, it is much easier to turn a blind eye to proper behavior. Amidst this tantrum, William Walters, commonly known as Action Meteorologist for the Channel 7 News William Walters, failed to realize his celebrity status, however small, would draw undivided attention. If only he had gotten the memo that today was going to be a slow news day.

In short, he had no idea that in 48 minutes, his career and reputation would be ruined, and in 90 minutes, he would meet the woman who would eventually become his embittered ex-wife.

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