At work, he was often called the guy with mustard stains on his tie, when he much preferred being called by his real name, the one he was born with, Peter Tomasevich. The sad truth is well documented, Peter loved mustard, perhaps more that any person had a right to.
Eighteen years ago, at the office Christmas party, after a Secret Santa exchange, the guy with mustard stains on his tie was given a brand new tie. After much goading by his peers, he was convinced to try it on paying no heed to how much it clashed with his festive sweater. Keep in mind; it was one year before the term ‘ugly sweater’ would be considered fashionable and so anti-hip that it had to be hip. Back in 2000, right after the big Y2K scandal, a sweater like this might have been called the stupid retro Huxtable sweater based on the wardrobe of Bill Cosby on the popular prime time television show, aptly called “The Cosby Show”. A further aside: it’s wonky how things can be redefined in 18 years. Cosby’s in prison, and the gaudy sweaters he made trendy lives on. I am certain that on another world, these concepts are reversed.
T.G.W.M.S.O.H.T. donned the tie as his fellow-workers applauded and watched closely. As fate often does, as he had the rabbit run around the tree (tie speak), he elbowed a jar of Grey Poupon®, which in turn, splattered all over the place. As sure as moths are drawn to flames, the mustard attached itself to Peter’s new tie.
It would be so easy to blame Peter, especially since he should not have positioned the jar right next to him. The sole reason for this was so no one could bogart all the mustard. Equally to blame could be the insistent people he worked with, for placing him in such an awkward position. But it was a Christmas of yore, so none of it really mattered. For it is more important to live in the present with dreams of Christmas futures and settling for being labeled the abbreviated T.G.W.M.