Move over Pinocchio, you are no longer the most popular liar.

It is obvious to anyone who has ears that this man is a scumbag liar. His story is too rehearsed; all the inflections are in all the wrong places. Speaking of wrong places, his roving eyes dart everywhere, as if seeking for an appropriate answer, and by answer, I mean mistruth. The more details he layers into his webbed tale, there is an apparent understanding that he is so stupid that he has forgotten what he said minutes before.

If you assume I am talking about Trump, you’d be incorrect, for I am referring to a man, not that greedy amoebic suckling with shitty hair. To clarify, I am talking about ‘Lyin’ Eyes’ Louie.

First impressions would lead you to believe this guy loves the Eagles, the band, but after speaking to him for twenty seconds, the truth is evident, he’s nothing but a fork-tongued son of a bitch with the misfortune of being christened Louie. Not that there is anything wrong with being an Eagles fan. Sometimes you ‘need’ that “take it easy peaceful easy feeling tequila sunrise” moment.

Every liar, no matter how great or small, has a revealing tell, Louie’s is whenever he opens his damn mouth.