Chimp Off The Old Block


Face front with this fact! A chimpanzee wrote the original draft of Iron Man III.

Chester was lost in thought, examining his long hands, which are far superior to the primitive humans. He was contemplating the existence of microscopic civilizations in his hairy knuckles. For some reason, he was placed in a sterile room with five other hairy primates and six typewriters. They were being monitored through a window by a dozen humans wearing lab coats.

The oldest, sat in the corner shivering, hugging his knees, in a fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth. It looked suspiciously like Mel Brooks, and coincidentally, responded to that name. The other monkeys were tossing around a Nerf® football, as well as their own feces. Meanwhile, Chester sat behind a typewriter, cracking his knuckles. He appeared either very eager or needing to urinate badly. It turned out it was both.

What was actually happening: Disney® needed a rewrite for their much-anticipated live adaptation of Pinocchio®. Someone suggested they try the infinite monkey theorem, which states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type any given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare. Per usual, Disney® was desperate, and willing to try anything.

Chester looked like a young Hemingway as he stared at the empty page. He found purpose by dedicating his words to his parents. His creativity was fueled on pride. He would finally verbalize a rich tapestry of the evolution, soon to be revolution of a future not unlike The Planet Of The Apes.

With this, Chester typed and typed, hitting the return carriage at appropriate times. He was a chimpanzee possessed by whatever muse inspires his species. Chester’s magnum opus was: “No collusion.” Written over and over again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s